Sadly things do go wrong. Sufficient attention is sometimes not given to what could become a serious condition. For this reason we do need to be our own 'self-advocates' at least some of the time. Of course we don't want to become full-blown hypochondriacs but we do need to be sensitive to our own bodies and not leave everything to the doctor.
In my own case, what was presumed (I won't say 'diagnosed') to be a sebaceous cyst was operated on and discovered it wasn't. The wound was stitched up without taking a biopsy, although I had by then had a long history of cancer, and I was referred to a dermatologist. He took one look at my lump, declared it to be a lipoma, and told me that the NHS would not treat it since it was considered cosmetic and not harmful. If it became painful then, I was told, I could refer myself back to my GP. Some months later it did become uncomfortable so I contacted my GP by phone. He confirmed that he would be unable to get the funding to do the operation. The discomfort was not great so I left it, but within a few weeks another GP took a look at it in relation to quite another matter and noticed the lipoma. He asked if a scan have been taken and told him it hadn't, which caused a raised eyebrow. "I don't like the look of that," he said, and referred me to a specialist in Birmingham. I was given an MRI and PET scan which revealed the lipoma had turned into a sarcoma. It was decided that this was not immediately operable and best left to be observed. A few months later and the sarcoma had penetrated the skull and I now have a tumour on the left parietal lobe of my brain. Over the last four or five months this is now inducing neuropathy which affects my walking and is beginning to affect my speech a little.
Fortunately I'm not in pain. My walking difficulty is an inconvenience but as with all my other tumours they do not cause me any anxiety or fear. I find this to be a continuous wonder and realise how few cancer patients are in this state of mind. Bill Bengston, who's been experimenting successfully healing mice for 50 years, I still haven't fathomed what's going on, and have no more than some speculative ideas on what may have helped my current state.
Although throughout my 15 year journey with cancer I have never been in anguish about my condition, there have been times of considerable anxiety. An important turning point came in 2023 after treatment with acupuncture and I began to experience periods of deep peace. What developed from that was the result of work, begun by my acupuncturist and continued with my kinesiologist. Yet the foundations may well have been my some 40 years of meditative and contemplative practices. This may have helped me to look at the situation more open-mindedly than I had done. I have to say that I am not committed to any religious point of view although I have been influenced by religious and spiritual ideas from many sources.
I suspect that my focus on mind, exercise, diet and support (MEDS) has helped maintain a healthy immune system. I'm now on the lowest doses of three medications and taking recommended supplements. I'm not obsessive about any of this and am open to ideas from others. What I find myself experiencing much of the time is what one of my 'wise ones' might call, peace that passes all understanding. And you may make what you will of that. How long this will last I cannot know, but I trust that Life will always seek the best that can be under the circumstances, and I'm happy to rest in that.
No comments:
Post a Comment