New Moon, New Phase?

At this time of year, mid-November, the mediaeval houses of our village glow with gentle moonlight. The ancients believed it was a time of renewal and certainly over the last few months we began to realise that our journey with cancer is entering a new phase. But should we regard a new beginning with trepidation or hope? I think the latter. What about you? That would be an interesting conversation to have.

Since late 2022 I’ve had considerable variability in my stamina. There have been times when I could walk three miles, others when I could only manage one, and yet others when I could only just manage to walk to the village and back. Kinesiology has helped but eventually, when it was suggested (not diagnosed you note) that the tumour in my brain was causing neuropathy, I realised I would need medication to mitigate the effects. This means the brain connections that coordinate physical movement, such as walking and to some extent recognising and expressing myself are being affected. I’ve been asked to hand in my driving licence and have a Blue Badge for parking. I may even consider a mobility scooter although I will walk as much as I can. The reason for the scooter is so that I can go further from the village and still enjoy the peace and solitude of our lovely Herefordshire countryside.

Fortunately, I am not in any serious pain. However at one time I was experiencing cramps in my feet and hands. This has stopped, although I still get cramps in either of my fingers and thumbs. The main problem is it takes me twice as long to do anything. So, although my to-do list looks easy to achieve, by the end of the day I will only have done half of it.

In all this I have to say that I remain positive and content. I seem to have reached a place of peace that passes all understanding. I don’t know how, when or whether this condition will change in the coming months. I am just resting in the moment, not withstanding eventualities.

Having said that, I continue to do all that seems appropriate to maintain life and love, and that largely in terms of my MEDS: Mind, Exercise, Diet and Support. In terms of support I am greatly blessed by my dear Liz, family and friends, especially our village friends for I continued to be well supported. There are so many in need far greater than mine. I don’t do intercessory prayer (nothing wrong with that) but I do send loving kindness to those of the many who need our support. I use a little blessing which some of you might find helpful. It goes like this, “May all that you need, ALL that you need, be enabled within you and for you.” (And for those whose beliefs need evidence, there are over 5000 experiments showing that our good intentions affect this wonderful material world).

One of my favourite poets, John O’Donohue, wrote, “It is strange to be here. The mystery never leaves you.” As life progresses it becomes even more mysterious. To my mind, if we allow it, rather than trying to force it or repress it, it can become yet more wonderful to us still.

I’m reminded that many elderly aboriginal people come to realise that it’s time to move to the next phase of existence. They quietly leave the village and find a place of solitude where they can allow themselves to pass naturally to whatever might be. But no, I’m not going to lie down in the shelter of one of Mike Ware’s fields to be found by the Saturday walkers - but you get the drift of what I mean.