Love Yourself Better

 In my 15 year journey with cancer my primary concern has been to do with dealing with fear and anxiety. I can't speak about long-term pain, for I've been extremely fortunate in that there has been little of that.  Had that not been the case I'd have been less able to contemplate aspects of my experience as deeply as I have done or perhaps write the book. Certainly, much has been taught me and surprisingly much of that has resulted from reflecting on the generous feedback .

 Most recently has been openings about our warrior culture and how this affects our attitudes and experience of cancer and other serious illnesses. When, in our 'cancer vocabulary', we use such terms as 'battle', 'fight', 'resist', 'enemy', this is the language of our warrior culture, which has been predominant world-wide for 6000 years and more. It is the language of fear, for although we may also speak of courage and bravery, behind these concepts are those of confrontation and insecurity.

Negative language is dangerous, primarily because it invariably provokes anxiety and fear. Such feelings cause the body's defence system to generate hormones evolved to enable us to take action by fleeing or fighting. Since we can probably do neither of these the hormones aren't burned off by physical activity but remain in the body and become toxic. In this situation not only has the immune system to deal with the tumours and their effects but with the overload of unused hormones. We may be able to distract our thoughts or suppress the feelings this language and its surplus of chemicals provokes in us, but it's nevertheless difficult to control the mind with the mind. That's like having a one-armed wrestling match against you. If you win you lose. So, to a very large extent language controls our attitudes and to change our feelings we need to change our language so that we can change our attitudes.

The opposite of the warrior culture is the culture of loving kindness. Scientists at the Heartmath Institute discovered that loving kindness can actually change the conformation of DNA. We think of loving kindness as something we do to others, but it is just as effective when we apply loving kindness to ourselves. “Love your neighbour as yourself,” says one of my wise ones. Another wrote, “One must learn to love oneself – thus do I teach – with a wholesome and healthy love . . .” It is also said that we should love our enemies - even our cancer. What opened to me was that my tumours are my cells, my offspring. If a child becomes criminal, do I reject them because of their criminality or love them because they are my child, my offspring?

I don't know how much my positive attitude of loving kindness has affected my cells. I've certainly reached a place where, currently at least, I have no fear or anxiety about the tumours currently in eight locations. What I do know is that doctors report that the greatest chances of recovery from illness come from patients with the most positivity. So we should replace our negative vocabulary, which is damaging to both body and mind, and begin to use the language of loving kindness. My body knows how to deal with my cancer better than my mind. Of course, sometimes my body needs help, but the most powerful medicine, that which will influence my immune system and support my treatment, is love.